Do you find yourself doing more for your kids, spouse, career, family, community or home than yourself? Are you drained, overwhelmed and irritable at the end of the day? If you answered yes, you are not alone. In my private practice, I encounter many women who face the difficult task of juggling various roles with little or no time dedicated to self care. They set high expectations on meeting the needs of others, fitting in, moving up the corporate ladder or gaining the approval of others at the expense of their own emotional and physical wellbeing.



From the time we are little girls, our parents, society, teachers and others emphasize the need for girls to be nurturing, non-assertive and nice. Little girls are taught that "nice girls don't yell" and "if they make someone cry they need to apologize and make it up to them!" Society teaches us that in order to be loved and respected we must focus on meeting the needs of others. We get praised for being a super woman or super mom but our need to take care of ourselves is rarely validated. Taking good care of ourselves is as necessary to life as breathing. Yet, how many of us really take time out of a hectic schedule. If you are a stay at home mom your focus may be the kids, your house and your husband. If you are the president of a company, your goals may look different but the end result will be the same. Driving yourself to do or be more can be draining and harmful to your emotional and physical health. Another negative effect of sacrificing your needs for others is that you end up losing your identity. Shutting out your surroundings and becoming hyper-focused on the end goal, you lose connection with living. You may end up feeling like a victim, controlled by and at the mercy of others.



Adding self care to the top of your to do list may sound strange; however, it as essential. You can't give to others from an empty place. If you nurture, love and appreciate yourself, you will be able to do the same for others.

This is very important, especially if you have children as they learn how to take care of themselves from their parents. So how do we put ourselves on the top of the list? The following are a few suggestions about how you can start to value yourself and bring balance back into your life. Performing one or two of the following tasks on a daily basis will help you to feel refreshed, energized and better about yourself.

1. Schedule yourself on your to do list. Take 15 minutes out
    of your day to dedicate towards yourself. Incorporate a
    relaxing or soothing activity into your day, such as listen
    ing to relaxing music.
2. Create a self care ritual that you practice once a day.
    This could be taking time out to read a book, attend a
    yoga class, exercise, take a bubble bath or write in your
    journal.
3. Reach out for support from your spouse, friends or a
    professional such as a therapist. Have someone take
    care of your children so that you can take care of your-
    self.
4. Schedule a date with yourself where you do something
    you like. Go the bookstore, attend a support group or go
    out to dinner with a friend.
5. Become aware of when you are feeling overwhelmed
    and then take a break to de-stress. Go for a walk or sit
    in the park. Find a spot in your house where you can
    relax.

1. Engage in a personal growth activity such as attending
    therapy sessions geared towards exploring your inner
    thoughts and connecting with your needs.
2. Learn to say no when you are feeling overwhelmed or
    stressed out.
3. Pay attention to your body and make sure that you are
    meeting your own needs for sleep, nutrition and exer-
    cise.
4. Learn to incorporate time for play, fun and laughter into
    your life.
5. Pursue your interest and the things you have put off do-
    ing as a result of placing other's needs before your own.