Most people have seen a "No Trespassing" sign. This sign sends a clear message, "if you cross the line, you will be prosecuted!" This type of boundary is easy to picture and understand because it's tangible; you can actually see and touch the sign. On the other hand, personal boundaries are harder to define because the lines are invisible; they can change and are unique to each individual. Personal boundaries are limits or borders that define where you end and others begin. It is defined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries also help you decide what types of communication, behavior and interaction you accept from others. The type of boundaries you set define whether you have healthy or unhealthy relationships.

The two main types of boundaries are physical and emotional. Physical boundaries include your body, your sense of personal space, sexual orientation and privacy. Other physical boundaries involve clothes, shelter, safety, money, space, noise, etc. One example of setting a physical boundary is when someone approaches you to discuss an issue and they get too close. Your immediate and automatic reaction will be to take a step back in order to reset your personal space. By doing this, you send a non-verbal message to the person that when they stand so close you feel an invasion of your personal space. If the person continues to move closer, your next step might be to verbally protect your boundary by telling him/her to stop crowding you. Again, you are protecting your personal space by setting your boundary.

Additional examples of physical boundary invasions are:
Inappropriate touching such as making unwanted sex-
   ual advances.
Looking through others personal files, letters, docu-
   ments, etc.
Not allowing others their personal space.
An example would be barging into your boss's office without knocking.

Emotional boundaries are just as important. They protect your sense of self-esteem and your ability to separate your feelings from the feelings of others. When you have weak emotional boundaries, it's like getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to being greatly affected by others feelings and can end up feeling bruised, wounded and battered. They also include beliefs, behaviors, choices, relationships, responsibilities and your ability to be intimate with others.

Examples of emotional and intellectual boundary invas-
ions are:
Taking responsibility for another's feelings. Not know-
   ing how to separate your feelings from your partners
   and allowing their moods to dictate your level of hap-
   piness, sadness, etc.
Not taking responsibility for your self and blaming
   others for your problems.
Telling others what to think, feel, behave, etc.

Setting boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy. Strong boundaries help maintain balance, self-respect and allow us to be interdependent in intimate relationships. A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home wide open. Having rigid boundaries, in contrast, leads to loneliness and isolation and is akin to living in a fortress with no opening in sight. You can't get out and no one can penetrate your walls. This leads to problems in intimacy in significant relationships. Unhealthy boundaries cause us deep emotional pain that can lead to dependency, depression, anxiety and physical illness. The following checklist can give you a basic idea about the current state of your boundaries:

Healthy Boundaries allow us to: Be assertive by stating opinions, thoughts, feelings and needs
   in a respectful manner-ability to say yes or no and are okay
   when others say no.
Separate needs, thoughts, feelings and desires from others.
Empower us to make healthy choices and take responsibility
   for oneself.
Have high self-esteem and self respect.
Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing/
   trusting relationship.
Protect physical and emotional space from invasion or intru-
   sion.
Take care of our own needs.
Have an equal partnership where responsibility and power are
   shared.

Unhealthy boundaries are characterized by:
Inability to say no for fear of rejection or abandonment.
A weak sense of your own identity-you live to serve others.
Inability to protect your physical and emotional space from int-
   rusion.
Feeling responsible for other's happiness and satisfaction and/
   or, conversely, relying on your relationship to create that for
   you.
Do you need to make changes? What changes could you make to help prevent further boundary violations? Healthy boundaries lead to empowerment and the ability to stand up for your rights. By recognizing the need to set strong limits, you safeguard your self esteem, maintain self-respect and enjoy healthy relationships. The following are some additional steps you can take to build self awareness by identifying areas of your life that could use assistance.

Make a list of personal rights in relationships, pick one that is
   lacking in your life and find ways to put it into practice on a
   daily basis.
Identify an area of your life that is neglected and in need of at-
   tention. For example, your physical, emotional, spiritual life.
   What needs attention? What small step could you take towards
   bringing balance into one of these areas?
Seek individual or couple's therapy to help you learn how to
   set healthy boundaries for yourself and your relationship.
Join a support group that focuses on self esteem and assert-
   iveness.